


All Been Said Before

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 19:34:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14817569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: While Alec remains unconscious, Magnus seems unable to do anything but worry. And every time someone tells him not to it only makes the problem worse until he's able to find comfort in the words from one person who somehow always manages to make things feel alright again.





	All Been Said Before

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr Prompt: “Why should I worry?” with Magnus

Magnus doesn’t know how his life fell apart so quickly. One minute he had it all - High Warlock of Brooklyn, dating the Head of the New York Institute, a power couple if there ever was one. Both at the top of their games, the height of their powers, with not even the sky as their limit. And now? 

Now he sits beside Alec, helpless, holding his hand while they wait for Catarina to come and heal his wounds. Now he has no title, and no power, and no way of helping the person he loves more than life itself in the moment he needs him the most. Now Magnus can finally feel the weight of his deal with Asmodeus begin to crush him. He feels empty and broken and if he loses Alec after everything else he knows he’ll never recover. 

“Don’t worry, Magnus. He’s going to be alright,” Catarina reassures him as she sets to work, but worrying is all he  _ can _ do, it seems, and the knot in his stomach refuses to loosen as she uses her magic to ease Alec into a peaceful sleep before taking them to the Institute. 

\--

It’s Maryse who comes to join him in the kitchen after he disappears for much longer than making a pot of coffee should take. When she finds him he’s staring hopelessly at the much-too-light liquid in the pot that comes from a severe under portioning of coffee to water ratio; just  _ staring  _ at it in disbelief that he can’t even do this  _ one simple task  _ without his magic. She rests a hand gently on his shoulder. 

“It gets easier,” she promises him. He knows he should believe her - she’s going through the same thing, in her own way, learning to live a mundane life after being stripped of everything that made her a Shadowhunter. And after it all she’s still here, still fighting, doing her best to be optimistic even though it’s her son fighting for his life right now and she’s just as unable to help as Magnus is now. 

“I’ll make a new pot, don’t worry about it.” But the ache of reaching for something that isn’t there time and time again hurts too much… and at least it hurts less to worry about the coffee than it does to allow his mind to dwell on the real problems he faces. 

\--

He sits in the chair next to the bed, holding Alec’s hand gently in his, until he loses track of time. He hasn’t slept more than a handful of hours in days, but unlike every time before now he doesn’t have his magic to help his body keep up with his poor habits. He’s tired, and it shows in the bags under his eyes, in the way his shirt gains more wrinkles the longer he goes without bothering to change it  and the way his hair falls flat into his face. 

He watches Alec’s friends and family come and go, pretending to be brave, reminding him to shower occasionally and forcing food and water on him when he forgets, which is practically always. Jace is there almost as often as he is, pacing the room or sitting opposite him, waiting for any sign that the damage caused to his parabatai by his own hands wouldn’t be permanent. They keep one another company in strained silence until it all becomes too much for the former warlock - between the sleep deprivation and fatigue he can’t put on his stoic facade a moment longer and the tears begin to fall. They come silently at first in an attempt to cover up what he hopes is just a momentary breakdown, trying to control himself before Jace notices --- which is impossible after a shuddering sob escapes against his will, muffled only when he buries his head into the covers pulled over Alec’s shoulders. The sobs shake his entire body as it all comes out at once: the weight of Alec’s state, of the loss of Clary, of the deal he made with Asmodeus that leaves him feeling like an empty shell of himself, something entirely unrecognizable when he looks in the mirror. It all pours out of him in waves and he hates himself for not being strong enough to hold it together, not just for himself but for Alec,  whose shoulder he weeps into freely now, all inhibitions abandoned. 

Jace is up and standing behind him in no time, hands resting firmly on his shoulders, giving them a strong squeeze. “Hey, don’t…” Jace starts, but stops just as quickly. Nothing he can think to say seems  _ enough _ , and for a long while he simply stands there, hands remaining on Magnus’ shoulders in what he hopes is a comforting reminder that he isn’t alone. And then finally Jace tries again once Magnus stops trembling and his cries fade out into sniffles. “He’s going to wake up. He’s going to come back to us and it’s all going to be alright, don’t worry.”

But it feels like Magnus is living in some sort of alternate universe where the more people tell him not to worry, the worse his anxiety becomes. And hearing Jace say it now is  _ too much _ ; he stops sniffling entirely but it’s only because for a moment all he can do is imagine the worst and his lungs seem to forget how to breathe. 

The sound of heels in the hallway alert them of Isabelle’s presence in the Loft and his thoughts are jarringly grounded again. Magnus hastily wipes at his eyes, for once thankful that he isn’t wearing any makeup. Jace moves to intercept his sister in the hallway to buy Magnus a few extra moments to pull himself together. Magnus gives him an appreciative attempt at a smile, not trusting himself to try and speak, and not knowing what he’d say if he did. 

\-- 

Magnus has a cup of coffee in his hands. He’s had rotating cups of coffee in his hands for hours now. His eyelids are heavy and he stands to walk over to the window, opening it to allow some fresh air into the room. He thinks that maybe he’ll ask Isabelle to bring flowers with her when she comes by later, just a little something to freshen the place up for when Alec-- 

“...Magnus?” 

The sound is so soft that he almost misses it, but when it registers he nearly drops the coffee from his hands as he turns to face the bed where Alec, for the first time in nearly a week, is shifting under the sheets. His eyes flutter open slowly, squinting against the sudden light, and Magnus is sitting on the edge of the bed by the time he inches them open again. 

“Alexander.” Tears of relief well up in the corners of his eyes and he blinks them away hastily, refusing to let go of Alec’s hands even just to wipe at his eyes for a single second. “How are you feeling?”

Alec shrugs, the motion small. Looking at Magnus he takes in unkempt facial hair on a face that is gaunt and weary. He notes the dark circles under make-up free eyes and frowns. “How long was I…” 

Magnus shakes his head. “Too long, my dear. Far too long. Cat did everything she could, and the Institute called in a Silent Brother, but even they weren’t sure if you’d... If I’d been a second later who knows if-” 

“Hey,” Alec cuts him off, shifting slightly in an attempt to sit himself up against the pillows. “It’s okay. I’m alright.” Magnus is touched by his immediate need to comfort  _ him _ , even though it should be the other way around. Magnus looks wrecked, unable to meet Alec’s gaze in his guilt over being entirely useless while everyone else did all the work to save him. 

“Look at me,” Alec brings a hand up under Magnus’ chin to lift it slightly, forcing him to meet his gaze. “ _ Don’t worry _ . I’m going to be fine.” 

The words have all been said before, but up until this moment they were full of speculation and uncertainty and surrounded by doubt. Only now is he able to find some small comfort in hearing them spoken by Alec himself, clutching to the unrelenting hope behind them like a life preserver. Magnus reaches for Alec’s hand and brings it to his lips to place a soft kiss against his knuckles. They are here, alive, together, and considering the possible alternatives he knows it's more than enough. His anxiety subsides and slowly but surely the knot of concern in his stomach begins to unravel. He’s awake. He’s fine. He's going to be okay. Don’t worry. Alec’s words repeat as a mantra in his head until he starts to believe them more each time. 

Magnus smiles, and it’s small but it’s genuine. “Why should I worry? Of course you are. You’re the strongest person I know, Alexander.” He takes another moment to watch Alec, making sure this is real and that his mind isn’t playing tricks on him. He’s almost afraid to blink but Alec is still here and awake and  _ okay _ one blink later, and then two, and three. He’s not going anywhere. “I should call the others, let them know you’re awake.” Magnus says finally, moving to stand, but Alec grabs his wrist and pulls him back. 

“Wait-” Alec says. “Could you just- d’you think you could stay here? Just for a minute?” 

And of course there is no way Magnus is saying no to anything Alec asks of him, not now, not ever. He lays on top of the sheets and Alec drapes an arm around him immediately, inching closer to press against him. Magnus feels the steady rise and fall of Alec’s breathing against his back and takes comfort in the warmth of his body against him. Alec’s presence seems to fill every empty space left in the absence of his magic and leaves him feeling content and complete in a way he started to wonder if he ever could again.

Hearing Alec’s soft snores behind him, Magnus closes his eyes and finally allows himself to rest.    

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com))


End file.
